Protect him and break him and never care
by Fandomobsessed77
Summary: Regulus is drowning, and it is poetic and pointless, because he was always drowning, and he always will be. Angst.


Rated T for language.

When Regulus is five, Sirius is seven and everything Regulus isn't. He is brave, and daring and _cool_. Regulus looks up to him, he wants to be everything he is, he loves everything about him. In ten years, Regulus would hate him, and hate his want to be anything similar.

When Sirius is seven, he loves his younger brother more than he loves anything. He wants to protect him and keep him forever. Because Regulus's eyes are huge and his hair falls over his small face and he smiles when Sirius does and laughs when Sirius does. In ten years, Sirius will hate those too-big eyes and he will hate the way he hides behind his too long fringe and he will hate his brothers once adoration.

When Sirius is seven, mother loves him. She hugs him longer than Regulus and teaches him more than Regulus. She takes him out and buys him new things, because he is the _heir_ and older and to be respected as is his birth right. Regulus must stay at home and read books of his heritage whilst Sirius is taught how to ride a broom. Sirius doesn't complain that Regulus can't come too, and Regulus doesn't care. In ten years, Regulus will remember bitterly a time when he was looked over by his parents and hate his brother for hating him for it now.

When Regulus was five, he would crawl into Sirius' bed and he would wrap his arms around him and whisper everything was okay. And Regulus is so _small_ , and he is swallowed by the king bed and Sirius wants to protect him forever. In ten years, Regulus is tall, almost as tall as Sirius, and Sirius slams him into the bed and tangles his long fingers into his brothers pitch black hair, shoving his face down into the pillows. _Never fucking come into my room again_ , he hisses by his ear. And Regulus is a mess of long limbs and wavy hair and he is older now, and Sirius _still_ wants to protect him. So he tells him to fucking leave, because Sirius would break Regulus, he would use him up and taint and spoil him.

At fifteen, Regulus hates life and he hates Sirius. And Sirius is yelling, and mother is screaming, and Regulus wants to die. The door slams and Regulus doesn't know why he cares any more. He tells Sirius to stop, that he's only upsetting mother and making it worse for himself. Sirius tells him to shut up and fuck off, and w _hat would you know, you're just a prejudiced twat like the rest of them, coming to preach to me that I should respect the family and pureblood bullshit._

And Regulus doesn't tell him that he couldn't give a shit about what his mother wants, because Sirius would never notice Regulus helping if it fucked him up the arse.

And Sirius is bruised and bloody, and he is screaming. _You fucking bitch, I hate you, I HATE ALL OF YOU_. And he is angry, because Regulus never fucking stops them. And Regulus hates it, because why should _he_ help? Sirius is fucking stupid, and Regulus tells him to stop and he doesn't so why should he fucking help.

Sirius is sixteen and he is fed up of life. He wants school and James and red lions and boys with caramel eyes and sandy blonde hair. And James is there and Sirius is leaving and he doesn't want to protect Regulus any more, because he wants Mrs Potters warm hugs and Mr Potters kind smile.

Regulus is sixteen and he fucking hates James Potter. He hates him with every fibre of his being. He hates his wide grin and messy hair. He hates he stole his brother and he hates his brother let him. Regulus hates the dark mark and he hates the Dark Lord and he hates his blood and himself. And Sirius has forgotten when he was seven, but Regulus remembers and he wants to protect Sirius. He wants to make him _proud_.

But Regulus is dead and Sirius doesn't think him brave or heroic because Regulus got to far in and wanted to quit, and the Dark Lord ordered him killed.

Regulus is drowning, and it is poetic and fucking pointless, because he was always drowning, and he always will be.

And Sirius is dead and he is flying, and James Potter is beside him and he has no one to protect any more, and he can't remember a time when he did.

Fin.


End file.
